TerraStuck: Cyclonia
by Saffronica612
Summary: Your name is THE DARK ACE and when your Master summons you from a VERY IMPORTANT MISSION to deal with THAT IDIOT SNIPE who is DESECRATING THE CYCLONIAN FORTRESS, shenanigans ensue. Darklonis, Homestuck parody.


A/N: Greetings, everyone. I know I've been gone for a while. I know that I will probably not be back soon in the foreseeable future. The reason I am here today is:

JOIN DARKLONIS.

No, I'm not trying to get all of you to ship my favorite pairing. Far from it. This whole fic is a tribute to a certain author named JOIN DARKLONIS who for some reason has decided that I am his idol. And as I am evil and enjoy messing with people's heads and giving them spaz attacks, and given how exctited JOIN DARKLONIS became when I reviewed one of his works, I decided that I simply HAD to dedicate a whole story to him.

So.

This story is officially dedicated to JOIN DARKLONIS. I had absolutely no intention of writing fanfiction again for a rather long time, because of my insanely busy schedule, but because of the messages I received from JOIN DARKLONIS, I was inspired. JOIN DARKLONIS, this is for you. It was written because of you.

Enjoy.

:::; ]

(Yup, that is my evilly smirking face. Because I am SO enjoying this right now.)

In other notes, I've written a lot of Cyclonis/Dark Ace pairings, and I've decided that this one is going to be different. Because I don't like repeating myself, and besides, I want to try something new! And exciting! The writing style is a bit out there. The characters are somewhat out of character. Bear with me. It's fun. If any of you recognize it, yes, I am a giant Homestuck geek. If you don't recognize it, go google Homestuck. Now that's an AWESOME story.

And, as always, I own nothing. I am merely writing for my own amusement here! ; ]

Let the story begin!

* * *

><p><strong>==7<strong>

Your name is THE DARK ACE. Not DARK ACE, but THE DARK ACE. It is a title you worked very hard to earn and you HATE IT when people get your name wrong. Like they think they can address you by a nickname, make it sound cute. You are THE DARK ACE and you are NOT CUTE.

You are 22 YEARS OLD. You managed to survive that long because you are the best fighter. That's all there is to it. You are simply the best there is.

You have a VARIETY OF INTERESTS, including KICKING PUPPIES TO UPHOLD YOUR EVIL REPUTATION, KICKING TALONS TO UPHOLD YOUR EVIL REPUTATION, SHINING YOUR SWORD, PRACTICING WITH YOUR SWORD, SLICING THINGS WITH YOUR SWORD, and WORKING ON YOUR SKIMMER. In fact, your sword and your skimmer are probably your two prize possessions; you think of them as the tools which you wield to accomplish what Cyclonis sends you to do. You also understand that you, in turn, are the tool that she wields in this game of chess that she's playing, to take over the Atmos. You are her Knight, and she is the Queen. (You tend to become quite PHILOSOPHICAL when thinking of your position and hers.)

You have a TRAGIC BACKSTORY involving pain, death, backstabbing, more pain and death, then becoming the CHAMPION OF CYCLONIA.

You have RED EYES because the overuse of FIREBOLT CRYSTALS has MUTATED your DNA. Cyclonis once used you as a test subject in an experiment. You found it fairly boring. You instead took the time to stare at her.

(You would like to state for the record that you are NOT A CREEPER. Cyclonis is just quite pretty. And besides, you never know when she might decide to ARBITRARILY BLAST ONE OF YOUR LIMBS OFF. So it's a matter of self-preservation to never take your eyes off of her.)

Your STRIFE SPECIBUS is SWORDKIND. Your pesterchum handler is avengingReddeath. You are currently on a MISSION to CRUSH THOSE PESKY CHILDREN FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL.

What do you want to do?

**Answer Pesterchum==7**

QueenofDiamonds has begun pestering avengingReddeath.

QD: Where are you?  
>AR: on a mission like always why you miss me<br>QD: There is a bit of a catastrophe taking place back on the Terra.  
>QD: Your immediate presence is required.<br>AR: my presence is always required  
>AR: i do not understand how you function without me at all<br>AR: it's like Cyclonia falls apart faster than Sky Knights fall to the Wasteland when i'm not around  
>QD: Agreed; the Sky Knights do not need your help to clumsily mishandle their skimmers.<br>QD: But the idiocy of the Sky Knights  
>QD: Or the unclear antecedents of your grammar<br>QD: Are not in question here.  
>QD: Your present location is.<br>AR: sheesh no need to freak out  
>AR: i'm not cheating on you or anything<br>AR: you were the one who sent me to track the storm hawks  
>AR: just doing my job, ma'am<br>QD: You were supposed to be back three days ago.  
>AR: do i detect a hint of worry in your voice?<br>QD: …  
>QD: No.<br>QD: Only annoyance.  
>QD: You're LATE.<br>QD: And I run a very tight schedule.  
>QD: So return immediately, please.<br>AR: of course, Master. i live to serve.

**Be the purple-text girl==7**

The purple-text girl is far too mysterious for you. You cannot be the purple-text girl yet.

**Think about the purple-text girl==7**

Her name is MASTER CYCLONIS and you may just be COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH HER. However, you are not a TOUCHY-FEELY EMOTIONS person, so you show her how much you care by CRUSHING the HOPES, DREAMS, and LIVELIHOODS of innocent civilians and ENSLAVING them to work in CYCLONIAN FACTORIES for her. Besides dealing with THOSE PESKY KIDS.

Ever since she introduced Pesterchum as a means for Cyclonian communication, you've been talking a lot more. Slowly, you began teasing her. Getting used to her. On the one hand, this is a brilliant development in your plan to romance the Master. On the other hand, it is ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING because the boundaries between your positions are blurring. You're no longer sure where you stand with her.

Thinking about Cyclonis makes you feel weird and somewhat depressed. You want to go stab something. That usually makes you feel better.

**Go stab something==7**

Of course not! The Master ordered you home, so home you're going to go.

**Not even one of those pesky kids?==7**

It's tempting. It's very tempting.

**Come on, _pleeeeeeeease?_==7**

No. No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no. You are NOT going to upset her further by ignoring her orders and ruining the mission.

**Think about the mission==7**

Master Cyclonis sent you to track the Storm Hawks and implant a few tracking devices on their ship. You decided to keep tracking them to make sure that the devices worked, and to examine their schedules and training methods so to better know how to fight them.

Come to think of it, you have been away for a while. You probably ought to fly home.

**==[S: THE DARK ACE: FLY HOME]**

Meanwhile…

**Be the mysterious purple-text girl.==7**

**Enter Name==7**

**M…A…S…T…E…R C…Y…C…L…O…N…I…S**

[check!]

**==7**

Your name is MASTER LARK SAPIENTA CYCLONIS. You are 16 YEARS OLD, and you ALREADY RULE OVER HALF THE WORLD. You are determined to rule the other half before reaching twenty.

You have a VARIETY OF INTERESTS, including CRYSTAL ALCHEMY, GRAMMAR, CONDUCTING SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENTS, TINKERING, INVENTING, and FINE CLOTHES. You also enjoy DEBATING, or, to _clarify,_ BEING CORRECT ALL THE TIME AND RUBBING IT IN EVERYONE ELSE'S FACES.

You have a SUITABLY TRAGIC BACKSTORY involving a NEGLECTED CHILDHOOD and a PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE WAR with your MOTHER. You were not too upset at her demise; she was weak and did not have the backbone to rule like you do.

You have PURPLE IRISES because you are a ROYAL and PURPLE IS THE COLOR OF ROYALTY. You have based your entire wardrobe scheme off of this.

Your STRIFE SPECIBUS is CRYSTALKIND. You carry crystals on your person, on jewelry, and ON YOUR STAFF, giving the false impression to some that your specibus is STAFFKIND. However, you often fight without your staff, too. You'll blast anyone with the impertinence to disagree with you.

You collect CRYSTALS, LONG WORDS, and INTERESTING NAMES. Your favorite word is currently DEFENESTRATE, which you do to anyone who annoys you enough. Your favorite name is currently a Talon calling himself CHESTER SNAPDRAGON MCFISTICUFFS. But that is a different story entirely.

What do you want to do?

**Message The Dark Ace==7**

You proceed to message The Dark Ace, and have the conversation above.

**Wonder About The Catastrophe==7**

There's nothing to wonder about. Someone gave Snipe sugar. He tried bouncing off the walls, but has been running through them.

You have this all under control.

_BOOM!_

Sort of.

**Go Punish Whomever Is Responsible==7**

It's whoever, and no one is owning up to it. The guards in the kitchen have been knocked unconscious. Ravess is away and hiding.

**Pester Ravess==7**

You already have. She was the first to whom you expressed your displeasure. Actually, come to think of it, you could have been a bit more polite. Perhaps she wouldn't be hiding on a nearby Terra if you didn't threaten to toss her to the Wastelands with her useless idiot brother.

You are surrounded by fools.

**Summon the Fool to come deal with her brother==7**

QueenofDiamonds has begun pestering presciseRecurve

QD: Ravess, I require your presence to deal with your brother.  
>QD: If you return immediately, you will not be punished.<br>PR: D-7sorry, was on a very important mission  
>PR: D-7I did not see your message until now<br>QD: Don't bother lying.  
>QD: Merely return and deal with your brother.<br>PR: D-7I apologize but  
>PR: D-7I am too far away not to<br>QD: You really are useless.

QueenofDiamonds has ceased pestering preciseRecurve

preciseRecurve has begun pestering QueenofDiamonds

PR: D-7wait  
>PR: D-7what are you planning to do to my brother<br>QD: I thought you didn't care.  
>PR: D-7mother would kill me.<br>QD: Hm.  
>QD: Good thing I'm not planning on killing him.<br>QD: He can cool off in the dungeons, I suppose.  
>QD: You need to head back as quickly as possible, though, because we are vulnerable to attack.<br>PR: D-7how bad?  
>QD: Bad. Very bad.<p>

**Survey the wreck of your castle==7**

It's not a wreck. Well, not completely. Most of the East Wing is down. Snipe found a few columns.

The PROBLEM here is that he's headed towards your CRYSTAL LAB, which you have currently secured with FORCE CRYSTALS before barricading yourself inside. He has been ramming himself against the door for the past fifteen minutes. You cannot open the door to fight him, because then he will barrel inside and set off a MASSIVE CRYSTAL EXPLOSION that will DESTROY THE ENTIRE TERRA. You are currently SUPPLEMENTING THE CRYSTAL ENERGY WITH YOUR OWN ENERGY but as soon as you run out of energy, the whole world is doomed.

avengingReddeath has begun pestering you.

What do you want to do?

**Answer PesterChum==7**

avengingReddeath has begun pestering QueenofDiamonds

AR: kk i'm here  
>AR: what happened?<br>QD: Proceed to my crystal lab.  
>QD: The problem is currently head-butting my door.<br>AR: on my way

**Be the red-text guy==7**

He has a name!

**Fine. Be Dark Ace==7**

Hem Hem.

**Fine! Be THE Dark Ace==7**

Your name is The Dark Ace and you are currently hurrying through the Cyclonian palace and wondering what in the world went wrong now. A rouge operator? A monster escaping from the dungeon?

preciseRecurve has begun pestering avengingReddeath.

**Answer Pesterchum==7**

preciseRecurve has begun pestering avengingReddeath.

PR: D-7it's my brother  
>PR: D-7on sugar<br>AR: crap

**Hurry towards Crystal Lab==7**

You hurry towards the Crystal Lab, following the train of destruction in Spine's wake.

You see him ahead of you.

STRIFE!

**==[S: The Dark Ace and Spine: STRIFE!]**

You lunge forward and AGGRAVATE him with your blade. He jumps backwards and ATTACKS with his mace, which you easily dodge. A few more lunges and it becomes obvious that Snipe is hopelessly outclassed. You're not called the CHAMPION OF CYCLONIA for nothing.

Snipe tries to ABSCOND. You bash him over the head with the flat of your blade.

He is now COLLAPSED IN AN UNCONSCIOUS HEAP ON THE FLOOR.

**Tentatively Knock On The Door==7**

You tentatively knock on the door. You hear a click. Master Cyclonis has opened the door, so you step forward and set inside.

"Dark Ace." Her face is lined with stress and worry. "Just in time. Took you long enough."

(You don't bother to correct her that you're _the_ Dark Ace. Only she is allowed to call you pet names.)

"What can I do, Master?" you ask softly.

She sighs. "We need to get him secured in the dungeons, send out Talon patrols, and start fixing up the holes in all the walls."

"Already done, Master." She gives you a curious look, so you elaborate. "Ravess is doing what she does best-pestering Talons, micromanaging, and cleaning up her brother's messes. She's even volunteered to use her own grist to fix the castle."

She nods. Her gaze is fixed somewhere over your shoulder.

**Kiss the girl==7**

No. Definitely not. That would be overstepping your boundaries!

You do step forward, and put your hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" you ask.

She shudders. "I NEVER want to go through that AGAIN!" Then, just as quickly as it came, her vulnerability disappears, replaced by anger. "I am going to KILL whoever is responsible."

"You can punish whoever you wish, if it makes you-"

"Whomever I wish. Direct object, can't be in the subjective case."

**==7[Facepalm x1 Combo]**

You feel like any control you had over the situation is rapidly slipping away. You try to play it off as cool. "Does it matter who or whom you punish? You're still punishing them, right?"

She sighs. "Go away, Dark Ace. It's been a long day, and I do not have the patience to explain the intricacies of grammar to you right now."

"Hey."

She stops.

"I get it. Being a kid and growing up is hard. It's hard and nobody understands. Not to mention ruling a whole empire. But you're doing a great job, 'kay?"

**Kiss the girl!==7**

She turns around and glares at you. "You do _not_ understand," she hisses. "You have _no idea_ what it's like to be me."

Your patience has been thoroughly tried by now. She's advanced until she pressed you against the corridor wall, and you step forward and grab her wrist, asserting your own power here. "What?"

"You…you…just you!"

**Kiss the girl already!==7**

You smile smugly. "What about me?"

"You're just…so…_infuriating!_"

"I get under your skin?"

"Like a grain of sand-"

"An itch you can't scratch?"

"And the worst part is you haven't done anything wrong so I can't punish you-"

"You know, you could punish me anyway."

She stares at you for a moment, as if considering it. "No, that's not really what I want to do. To you."

You can feel the tension in the air between you. Everything seems charged, heavy, a thousand times more real.

**KISS THE GIRL KISS THE GIRL COME ON YOU IDIOT JUST KISS THE GIRL!==7**

You kiss the girl.

You press your lips on hers and she lets out a little sigh into your mouth but you don't care because this is REAL and this is HAPPENING and electricity arches down your spine and-

And it is beautiful.

(Now you can deal with the meteors that are hurtling towards your Terra. They're accelerating, too. t=10:25…24…23…22…21)

* * *

><p>GAH! IT WON'T LET ME DO ARROWS! ==7 IS REALLY SUPPOSED TO BE ==(the triangle that points to the right) BUT THE FORMATTING DOESN'T WORK! Ravess's typing quirk, D-7, is supposed to be D(dash-dash-arrow), in order to look like a bow and arrow. You know, like Equius. Sigh. Glubbing formatting!<p>

And I enjoyed that far too much for a piece that has horrible characterization compared to the canon, pretty much no plot, and is only really a parody of Homestuck, which is FAR BETTER. Sigh. Well, this is what came out! And it was fun!

And that's what fanfiction is for, isn't it?

You may leave your thoughts and comments if the notion pleases you. And that is my way of asking for reviews.

Until an unspecified time in our mutual future timelines, dear readers!

Au revoir,

~Kitty.


End file.
